


The One Where They Watch Earthshock

by nostalgia



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Gen, ruins earthshock for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-12
Updated: 2011-11-12
Packaged: 2017-10-26 00:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/276438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgia/pseuds/nostalgia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven's kind of gay for the Doctor. Steven is also kind of sad. Not sad as in miserable, sad as in he owns every episode of Doctor Who on DVD.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where They Watch Earthshock

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously none of this really happened, I'm just having a laugh.

Steven's kind of gay for the Doctor. Steven is also kind of sad. Not sad as in miserable, sad as in he owns every episode of Doctor Who on DVD.

Steven points out that this isn't possible, because the BBC burned some of them. Troughton especially, which upsets Matt more than he'd care to admit.

"Now they can't do that," says Steven, gesturing with a can of beer, "it's all digital recordings and illegal downloads. Something would survive."

So they watch some Doctor Who, safe in the knowledge that Matt's contribution will survive at least until the end of the world. (Which is in the Year Five Billion, apparently, and the Doctor will have sex with a tree.)

As usual Matt takes a while to get into the story. It's Peter Davison and that Australian woman, and those other ones with names he can't remember. Aspirin and Nissan, something like that. Matt would do the Australian.

"Do you want to be spoilered?" asks Steven. "I wasn't when I first saw it, and I don't think I ever got over the heartbreak."

"I know the boy one dies. Is that in this one?"

"Oh, who told you that?! Was it Mark? He's always giving away the endings. He thinks the journey is the important bit."

Matt bites his own thumbnail. "I'm not really feeling this one."

"If you say a word against Peter Davison, you're fired." Steven has that dangerous look in his eyes, that predatory Scottish glare.

"Can we watch that one in Paris again? I really liked that one. It was all timey-wimey and the blonde was cute." A fact surfaces in his mind, something he can use to win Steven over a bit. "Isn't she married to Richard Dawkins?"

"You remembered!" Steven beams with pride.

"And Tom Baker?"

"Yes!" Steven takes a drink. "But everyone knows that, it's not like you knew Susan's last line or what the Blinovitch Limitation Effect is. Don't get cosy, Smith."

"Are you gay for the Doctor?"

Steven isn't even remotely thrown by the question. He just shrugs and says "Who isn't?"

"I'm not."

"That's because you _are_ the Doctor. It takes a lot to be in love with him when you're in his skin every day. Even David was going off him a bit by the end."

"He's got a dark past," Matt agrees.

"Don't start that again."

"I just think he's got some skeletons in his closet. It's bigger on the inside, there's plenty of room."

"Was that a joke? A Doctor Who joke? Did you just make a Doctor Who joke?"

"Knock knock."

Steven rolls his wee eyes. "Who's there?"

"River."

"What?"

"No, you say 'River who?'"

"River who?"

"Apparently so." There's a pause. "You see what I did there? She's Mrs Who. River Who."

"She might not be," says Steven, keeping his spoilers close to his chest.

"But it's funny. Karen made that one up."

"Well then yes, it _is_ funny." Steven sighs happily. "Oh, her legs..."

Matt nods. "I feel weird thinking about them when I'm in character, but it's hard not to. Those slender thighs, the perfectly shaped ankles."

"I think the Doctor knows a good pair of pins when he sees them. He's not blind. Or impotent. He's very... potent. A dynamo of sex, but he never acts on it."

"Because you'd get jealous."

"Yeah," says Steven, and that's that.


End file.
